I have been working on a painting which when thought of, was to celabrate two special people and the time that we have with them as friends and cousins. I am talking about our dear friends Mike and Dee. We meet once sometimes twice a week. Sometimes we go out and about other times we just sit and have afternoon tea and cakes. We talk constantly and in all of the conversations of course we sort out the worlds problems. These are such easy times, no proving, no worrying and I would hope Mike and Dee feel the same ( or there are no more cream cakes!). I know it seems like Im off on a tangent but most of the ideas I have for paintings are from my life around me and as Mike and Dee are part of me and my life ideas come .
But, My ideas always seem so assured, so straight down the line. As with the idea for "afternoon tea with mike and dee ". I wanted to replicate the good times the laughter and the discussions.
As I set up my still life and visualised the scene in front of me and the amosphere I would like to create. I maticulously move objects, lights and anything else that gets in the way of my vision of what is to be. Am I happy with what I have captured? Fairly sure, so lets take some photographs. I prefer to take my own photographs. For still life set ups I take my photographs and check them over on the computer and pick out the one I want.
I seem to be going a long way around to get across the meaning behind this blog but if your willing, Ill carry on.
I usually have set in my mind what my painting would be like, the feelings it will create, the atmosphere and most of all the title,I know I can be a bit anal at times!.
Now Im getting to the point, for all the control, organising, visualising I have to go through, for all the images in my mind even as I paint on and on and a lot further down the line all this organising doesn't make this or any other painting I do just what my imagination wanted it to be. Something must take over, is it the head, the heart or the soul? or is it all three fighting for recognition and one wins over just that little bit to at least say,"well there's not much soul in this painting, methinks this painting was painted with her head or how much heart and soul can one put into a painting. I have obviously not quite figured out yet which part of this body of mine is working me at which part of a painting . I am a determined kind and paint on regardless taking note of subtle differences that each stroke is appertaining to. The changes come so eliquently, slowly my subconscious feeling for the piece and the way it draws me in to it's own world leaves me pondering at the end of a trying session. Have I given what was needed , have I tried too hard or not hard enough. These thoughts have the same effect in life, the effect of exhausting me and may be one day I'll be wise enought to just let go and fully enjoy.
The small point I wanted to make was that I always start off with this intensely strong idea on which way this painting will go. To then learn when the painting is finished that the feelings and emotions I initially wanted to create have disipated and an inanimate stranger ( the painting) with differing emotion and feelings has appeared . These feelings, emotions have come from somewhere along the line, somewhere amongst the rush of mind, body and soul to draw out totally differing meanings from the intended.
This off course does not take anything away from the fabulous times Mike and I have with Mike and Dee and the fact that I will still look at this painting for it's real intentions of joy and fun. Thank you Mike and Mike and Dee for such good debates and darjeeling tea and cakes.
I always feel a large sense of intrepidation about the start of a new working calender because I'm working on next year when this year has not even finished. I used to work in the fashion industry and life was like that all the time we worked on fashions that would be two years getting in to the shops but now the industry has to be quick quick quick and they may be just a few months ahead sometimes not even that. I digress I think when I start working on next years workshops and classes I get a buzz ,things to push for, things to enjoy, new beginnings and all that. Some times to the detriment of my work for the rest of this year, but maybe now I have recognised this I can put things in action to motivate me in to keeping the spirit alive till the end of this working year. I know I will keep it alive I think its just the initial stages of working for the next year that make me think.
